Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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