I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
