Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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