did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
