They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
