It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
