just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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