Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
