I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
