You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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