I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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