Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
