Just fell off a train. Bad.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
