Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
