C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
