My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
