I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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