Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
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