I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
