Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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