they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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