explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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