i can't believe i had my finger in that
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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