so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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