Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I smell stomach acid.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
