don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
