I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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