I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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