you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's never too late to be topless.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
