Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
