I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
