Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
