I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
