Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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