you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
