I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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