your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
