So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
