I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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