He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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