Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
