When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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