it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we're so committed to being not committed
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
