is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
