I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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