Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
