It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
