she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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