Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
