I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
