Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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