So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
