you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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