evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
