Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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